Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
