I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
