dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
