remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
