you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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