So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
