There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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