i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
