That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
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