Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
