He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
