As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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