yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
