so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i now understand why vodka
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
