his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The Olympian is in my bed
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
