Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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