this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
