You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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