Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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