she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
