Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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