I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
