he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
