Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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