Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
