so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
