...so i touched it.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
