I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
