I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
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