My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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