Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
zippers are such a cool invention
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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