i think my tv is drunk
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
