New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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