we have officially lost it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
