dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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