You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
