I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
