My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
