you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
