I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
