Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You're a waste of cheezeits
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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