apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
