I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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