grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
