There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
