You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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