They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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