He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
