i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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