Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
