Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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