I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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