I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
