If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
