I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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