i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
