cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
What a dumb baby whore.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
